Sweet child of someone else's

Day 142 - Ubud

Bali may be the ideal size for an island. It would take about four hours to drive across it which is not very long but long enough. It is surrounded by the sea, as the better islands tend to be (looking at you, Canvey Island). You'd pass beaches and waterfalls and exotic birds singing in the tropical trees. Bali has a volcano. It is dormant which is the preferable kind in general. It has a smaller island next to it to fight over with it's neighbour, Lombok. If you want globalised tack then you've got Kuta in the south. If you want the opposite then pick a town whose name you can't pronounce and go there instead. I came to this conclusion on the back of a scooter I had hired. On a quiet road of decent quality a scooter is an excellent place to do some thinking. It unshackled me from the timetables and whimsy of others. I'd saddled my horse and pointed it to the horizon, stetson angled against the beating sun. Yes, I am basically saying I'm a cowboy. Why are you looking at me like that? I'll shoot you.

The clouds that swathed Mount Batur made it look like steam was pouring from the top. All was calm in the volcano though and had been fro a very long... *checks wikipedia*...since the year 2000. Disregard my earlier comment about a dormant volcano (Canvey Island has one advantage then). Despite the recency of the last eruption you can, of course, hike up it. This did not appeal to me for a couple of reasons, neither of which were to do with the chance of it erupting (which would be a pro). The first reason is that the organised hikes are all sunrise hikes. Fuck sunrise, I think the world can do without it. Where are the guides offering a mid-morning hike with regular stops to let the hangover wear off? I'd sign up for that. No, wait, I did sign up for that in Guatemala. It was a hideous experience. The second reason was that I'd befriended a couple of Spanish girls and over drinks the evening they told me how the hike had reduced them to tears. Not of joy. Not of awe. Reasoning that if they, probably half my age, found it that physically upsetting then what chance did I have? I have, I admit, a fear of failure that drives some of my decision making. Much like Yoda I do or do not, neither of us tries. I'd probably get up Mount Batur quicker than him though. There is something particularly horrifying about failing to complete a climb. To be the wheezing old guy holding up the group as the tour guide glances nervously at their watch. To find you can go no further and to be left there like a dog tied to a lamppost, waiting to be collect ed on the way down. Reintegrating with a group elated with their success while you try to tell them about this really cool rock you sat on. It's all thumbs up and summit pictures for the 'gram. At least if you are left on your own on Everest you die, no such luck here. I decided I can;t risk the shame. Plus I'm disabled you know. Leg disabled. Instead of the climb I simply sat and watched Batur sit moodily in the mist and I drank a beer. Better to be looking at the mountain drinking beer than to be on the mountain looking at me looking at the mountain while not drinking beer.
Back at the hostel it looked this cowboy would be sleeping under the stars that night. A casual approach to rebooking my bed has resulted in some bastard booking my bed. Turfed out and finding Alex's hostel also full, I was forced to pay a princely tenner at Sulendra Jungle Suites for a private room. It did at least give me the change to wash my pants in the sink and hang them to dry on my patio. One must be stoic when in Bali. Towards the end of the day I was in a bar with the Spanish girls as the sort of music that makes people dance that perhaps shouldn't pumped from the speakers. Ah no, I don't mean that, everyone who wants to dance should dance. Dance like no-one is watching, just don't buy a little wooden sign saying that to hang on your wall. A young couple approached with a pushchair.

Would you mind looking after our daughter while we dance?

Now I wouldn't say we looked untrustworthy but this was some faith to be putting into complete, absolute strangers. Dumb-founded we, I guess, agreed, and they waltzed off to the dance floor. The child was asleep so there wasn't much looking-after to be done, make sure she wasn't nicked seemed to be the main brief. No instructions were left for if she woke up. Buy her a beer was my instinct.

We turned out to be responsible stewards while her parents pretended they hadn't ruined their lives and on returning offered to get us all a drink and I quickly accepted. They seemed a little surprised and the girls suggested afterwards that this was one of those offers you politely decline. Given that I could have sold the child into modern(ish) slavery a beer seemed appropriate recompense. 'd been on the island for almost a week and common sense told me I should be moving on but there was the faint smell of burning in the air...