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Chastening the dragon

Day 123 - Kuala Lumpur
I have too much time to kill, too much time to think. Walking the city I find my path bending back towards The Step Inn yet debating the idea all the way. There was no-one sitting outside to catch me in my door-stepping madness. Its infatuation and it'll pass but in the moment it masqueraded as eternal love. Nice to be reminded that I have it in me if nothing else. Maybe I should have got the early bus but it was expensive and I wanted to save money. And, to be honest, to hold onto the slim chance of a farewell. But it's never coming. And that is the truly sad thing here. Everything else was fixed but it didn't need to end like this. I'm less certain of my decision to send that message than I was yesterday because the consequences are now fully realised. It's hard not to imagine how things might have been if I had held back. What was the purpose of it? The purity of of honesty seemed unimpeachable as if that were justification in itself. It was a pressure release and maybe 3AM isn't the time to be bowing to that kind of impulse. Her feelings aren't about me so much as they are about her future and mine are not about her so much as they are about my past (T. Rodrigues-Costa, 2023) I leave Kuala Lumpur finally without knowing if I got what I came for. As the bus pulls onto the expressway the rain pours down and the road is a torrent. Cars are scattered along the hard shoulder having collided on the slippery surface. It all seems quite apt.
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Location: Kuala Lumpur, Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

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